


Hold onto it

by ThePencilRiot



Series: Sburbtown [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Stabdads, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Humanstuck, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Step-parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-09-13 05:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16886442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePencilRiot/pseuds/ThePencilRiot
Summary: Karkat Vantas has come back to live in Sburbtown after a few years of living overseas. However, the circumstances of his return are not happy, and he has given up on a part of his family.





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

Clouds are everything there is up here, and you can no longer see the sea. Even the breathtaking sight of the clash between day and night, painting the sky, is not enough to get you out of your thoughts. You should attend the story now.

Ahem. That's your entrance, pal. Yes, you, the one watching the screen! You know the drill.

#####  **> ENTER NAME**

****

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are currently watching through the window of this goddamn airplane. Trapped in a situation that isn't, by any means, good. You try not to think about it, you don't want to think about anything. And just ignore everything while you can.

But you fail miserably.

Your face contorts and you close your eyes. Suddenly, there's a hand gently touching your shoulder, and you turn to face the person it belongs to. It is, of course, Kankri, your older brother. He looks at you with his brow furrowed. You'd like to snap at him and tell him to stop worrying about you, but you hold back. You can't just ask him to leave you alone right now. Not with what happened. It's been a difficult couple of weeks, and you still have things to sort out. There's so much stuff to think about and very little time. Besides, you're so tired. Sleep lingers in your head. You set for giving him a heavy glare, so he knows how you feel. But as usual, your brother overlooks the faces you give in favor of speech.

"Karkat, please pay attention to what I am going to say." He speaks paused, but unhesitant. "I have it in my knowledge that you do not welcome with friendly arms the current…" His hand gestures around. "Situation. Regardless, I would like to assure you that everything will come out just fine. You need to change your tone and be more mature about this. So please cheer up, look at the bright side! You'll get to have your own room again, and see your old frien-"

You cut him off. Your voice is coarse, as always. You don't care if you're on an airplane, but your tone is still quiet. "Shut up. I don't need your endless, nonsensically-positive blabbering right now. I'm not in the mood." Then you turn and leave him staring at the back of your head.

Kankri merely sighs at your rudeness and finally lets you be. There isn't anything else he can say to you anyway. He already told you everything he had to back in Europe. Hearing it all over again is a revolting idea, and you can't stand it when he talks your organs out.

You groan internally. He made you remember the whole mess you're in. You were busy concentrating on NOT doing that. You lean your forehead in the cold window and keep on watching the fluffy landscape of the clouds. You get sad again, then angry, but overall pathetic. In your life, there is but one fact that remains true: Everything that ever happens to you is utter bullshit.

**> Enough misery. Do something else.**

Fine. You adjust the back of your seat, trying to feel more comfortable. Your headphones, previously resting around your neck, return to their rightful place on your head. You tap 'Play' on your phone and the speakers blast your ears. Your selection is rather unrefined. Your friends would call it bad, but you think they lack the sensibility to understand these songs like you do. As you think about arguments to defend your taste in music, you finally drift into sleep.

#####  **=== >**

"Karkat."

Her voice softly calls you from the garden. You leave your desk and your computer to walk through the house. It's a really old building, and the furniture is antique too. But you have come to like its comfort. Your steps on the wooden floor are silenced by your socks.

"Karkat!"

"I'm coming!"

"Karkat, wake up!"

"What?"

When you reach the door that leads to the garden you open your eyes. You are being carefully shaken awake by Kankri. You frown and look around. Your back kind of hurts.

"Karkat, the plane will be descending to the airport soon. The flight attendants have pointed we must fasten our seatbelts in this instant."

You don't quite process what your brother is saying. You're still light-headed from sleep. You imagine the rest of your dream, as the door creaks open and you step into the backyard. Your emotions cramp as you think of her, sitting on her garden chair.

"By the way, you were muttering something just now. Did you not sleep well?"

You straighten on your seat and yawn. You cover your mouth, only to notice your headphones are back on your neck and your music is turned off. There's also a blanket covering you. You run your fingers through your hair as you finally wrap your head around reality. She's not here anymore.

"Karkat, are you listening?" Kankri grooms your hair and places a hand over your forehead. Making sure you're not getting sick. He sounds and seems annoyed, but you can tell he's masking his distress. _Geez_ , you think. Can't he give you a second to wake up? Neither of you like this Nanny game he's been playing with you lately. But he pushes forward and you give in, for each of your sakes. You must be a pitiful sight to look at anyway, huh.

"Yes, windbag, I heard you. I slept as best as I could. Which on these seats is the bare fucking minimum." You finally respond, snarky. "What the hell do you want?"

"Fasten your seatbelt! See how you were not listening? And do not worry, you can take a better nap as soon as we are home." Kankri pats your head and leaves you to wrap a magazine he must've been reading.

Home? You don't think so. You fiddle with your seatbelt and groan. Your time escaping is over. You don't know how long was your nap and you don't care to check. It must have been a few hours. There are fewer clouds outside and you can see the suburbs you're flying over, instead of the ocean. Soon, you will have to face reality at its full once more. You feel as if all of your aggravations begin to tear a hole in your skull again.

The plane starts to descend moments later until it lands at the airport just outside of Skaian city. You get worked up on purpose, as you need your mind clear enough to deal with the following nuisance. When you are told you can stand up from your seats, you finally see him. The biggest pain in your ass you worked so hard to ignore. Slick is reaching for his luggage on the compartments above his seat. He was two rows behind you, so forgetting about him was easy until now. However, as you are forced to acknowledge his presence again, you can't help but make the fiercest face you have in your repertoire.

Kankri and you take your backpacks from below your seats, but that's the easy part. You narrow your eyes as you look right above you, where the rest of your stuff is. You try to reach it, but your 1.47 m of height fall short. The more you jump to reach, the more your frustration seems to gain mass and drag you down with its partner in crime, gravity. Kankri was the one to put it there in the first place, but right now you're too grumpy to let him help get it down. He pulls his bag out and stares at you, twisting his mouth. He tries to reach for yours, but you stop him.

"Don't. I can do it myself, just give me a second." You stretch your arms up once again. You only manage to brush your fingers on the top loop of the bag.

Kankri sighs and puts a hand on his hip. "You can't reach it. You're only holding us inside the plane, Karkat".

"How about you hold the fuck up? I told you I can do it!"

You stubbornly try again and just before you see it is to no avail, another hand reaches for your bag and takes it down for you. Your eyes dart from the black sleeve of a suit to face Slick. He's still wearing that plain face. That conveys the aura of a threatening wax figure that will jump at you with a knife at any given opportunity. He's taller than you, everyone is, but he is the one that pisses you off the most. His beard has grown freely for the past weeks, and he looks like he didn't sleep at all during the 12-hour flight. His skin is darker than yours, and his hair and eyes are black. Very different from the chestnut colors your brother and you have over your pale, freckled skin. Even a baby with dirty nappies could notice you aren’t related, and yet, here you are. He hands over your bag.

"Don't be mean to your brother, kid. And hurry up." His voice is deep, but sharp, like a low growl.

You can't believe he has the nerve to talk to you at all, and it makes you feel sick. You made pretty clear what you think about him. And that you don't want him to even breath in your general direction. But Slick has never cared about your opinions on him. You wish to tell him again how all of this is his fault, and what horrifying disgraces he deserves. But you refrain from doing do in favor of Kankri. He doesn't like you to make scenes in public and, to be honest, he deserves better than having to deal with your tantrums right now. He's been no better than you, emotionally. For now, you give Slick the upper hand. You will reach higher ground later. But still, you aren't exactly known for remaining quiet.

"Don't call me kid." You rip the bag from his hand.

Any other person would give you a sermon for your temper, Kankri sure seems like he wants to yell at you already. But not Slick. He just doesn't care. Not about you, or what happened. And you have had enough of his crap. He better believe living under the same roof again is going to be the biggest fucking pain in his ass. You will make sure of it, you won't give him a rest. Jack 'Slick' Noir will pay for his dues.

The three of you follow the crowd as you descend from the plane. You pace through the insides of the airport, everything here is so modern and shiny. There is an awkward silence between you and Kankri, and a cold and hostile one between you and Slick. Your brother knows very well how you feel, but he's won't talk to you out of disappointment. And you just hate it when he plays with you like that. He wants you to be the "bigger person" or some shit. Well, newsflash idiot, you give exactly minus two fucks.  
Yet, you feel the need to humor him. As you remembered in the plane, Kankri isn't doing better than you. Back in your grandparents' house, he looked so devastated and impotent. You think he blames himself for leaving you to study overseas, but he wasn't in the wrong when he made that decision. The real problem here is the person walking ahead of you. Making Kankri regret his decisions is another debt you slam on Slick's tab.

Finally, you reach the parking lot, and an employee drives Slick's old, black car to you. It's been years since you saw this piece of trash, and that's just saying because Slick takes care of it a little too much. You always wondered if it's one of those cars from the seventies that people like to collect. Slick unlocks the doors for you, and as soon as he opens the boot, you throw your bag in. You hear Kankri grunt upset behind you. Then you crawl into the back seats. Kankri gets in a moment later, he sits in the front of the car. You place your backpack as a pillow and lay across the seats, getting your shoes on top.

"Oh, my goodness. Karkat, can you not." Kankri turns around displeased.

You growl and roll your eyes, then take off your shoes. They fall on the floor of the vehicle. Slick closes the boot behind you and enters the car at last. He sits silently for a few seconds, his hands squish the steering wheel. He doesn't seem like he will start the engine anytime soon. You search his expression in the rearview mirror, but, as expected, it's unreadable. Suddenly, he meets your gaze through the reflection, his dark eyes lack something you've seen on him since you have conscience.

"The rest of your stuff 's supposed to arrive tomorrow. You'll have to sleep on your ol' bed tonight, kid."

You frown and wrinkle your nose, careful not to break eye contact. "Oh, isn't that just fucking great?"

He seems unfazed by your outrage. The way he seems so uninterested in fighting you sets you off even more. And he knows that, you bet. There's a slight narrowing in his eyes that makes his already rough stare harder to stand.  
_No swear words_. Or _Don't use that tone_. Or _Can we not do this right now_. You can read into it, any kid would. You used to swear all the time just to piss him off. Not like he cared anyway, but he always used to say things like that. Nowadays all he does is stare at you. Your blood runs hot inside your head and you want to yell at him all kinds of curses. To tell him how much you despise him. Your stepfather just drives you crazy.  
From the corner of your eye, you notice Kankri looks nervously between you two. Uncharacteristically quiet and aloof. All the tension seems to be too much for him. You decide to resign and be the first to break the staring contest, then you cross your arms. Slick finally takes his gaze off the mirror too, starts the engine and takes off from the parking lot. You roll onto your side, facing the back of the car. You hear Kankri shift on his seat too, he quietly sighs in relief. Kankri hates fighting, and of course, he hates when you defy Slick. Only this time it's something worse than not wanting to eat your vegetables or go to school.

"And don't call me kid." You mutter as a necessary mandate. And that's the end of it.

Again, there's no reaction from Slick. But you know why he doesn't tell you anything about your tempers. And why he doesn't make an effort to correct your attitude. He doesn't care. To take you in is just a liability. For all that you care you would get the hell out of his life, you're sure you and Kankri could manage. But that's stupid.  
And maybe your brother still has patience for him. He's seen him more often when he visits from college here in America. But Slick lost all rights with you a long time ago.

#####  **=== >**

Bottling up your hate is making your head hurt. You stand from laying on the seats of the car and look outside the window. You watch the landscape pass by and stay behind. You wish you could do the same, but you can't. There's no one waiting for you in that old house on top of the hills.

After what's about one hour of driving, the road takes you to Sburbtown, a small residential community outside of Skaian city. Many families who have their economy based on there live here. Yours wasn't the exception. As the car drives downtown, you watch the uninteresting but familiar buildings. You know this place better than you'd like to. This sad piece of civilization used to be something you could call home. Now, however, it can compare to hell. When Kankri announced you were moving back with Slick and you refused, he said you were exaggerating. Maybe you are, but that doesn't mean you like it anyway.

Soon, the car comes to a stop in a street you could not unrecognize. You shove your backpack over your shoulders and get out of the car quietly, following Kankri and Slick. There in front of you is a big, red, two-story house. It has a wide front yard with a fine stone path leading to the front door, right in the middle of the elegantly rustic facade. It’s decorated with white details, pots with bushy plants on the porch, and old-time looking lamps on the walls. There's a pair of windows on both sides, with white curtains that obscure the insides. The dark tiled roof and the paint on the walls look slightly faded, but not decayed. The forest looms with tall trees behind the entire neighborhood. Your eyes search for one of the windows on the second floor. That's your old room. You haven't been here since you were 8 years old. Your memories of this place feel like a distant dream because you never thought you would come back. At least this place seems like it has been taken care of. Slick can get tidy with this stuff.

Once you finish scooping the place, you notice Kankri and Slick are both retrieving the luggage from the boot. You approach to take your own stuff. Once you've got everything, the three of you walk towards the door. You stay behind Slick and Kankri, still moody. You tap your foot as your stepfather reaches for his keys. You look at his back, standing far above you, and you get the feeling you haven't grown up in all this goddamn time. Either that or he got taller, which is unlikely. Slick unlocks the door and steps aside to let you and Kankri in. You quickly walk past your brother and stepfather and abscond upstairs without a word. They surely hear you slam the door to your room like you're daring them to come and get you. But they don't.

#####  **> BE KANKRI**

Your name is Kankri Vantas. You're a 20-year-old sociology major, with a lot in your hands.

Currently, you just arrived from Europe to Sburbtown, the place you and your 13-year-old brother grew up in most of your lives. Your stepfather and you went overseas to spend the summer, and now that it’s over Karkat must move back here. It just so happens that- Well, your mother passed away. Back in the last week of July. Now your stepfather, Jack Noir (or as people call him, 'Slick'), must take care of him. Karkat is completely against it though. When you moved to your grandparents' house with your mother, Karkat distanced from Jack. Since then there have been, say, adversities between them. And now that this tragedy is upon you, he's taking it all out on your stepfather. And Jack doesn't seem to care.

All of you have been deeply affected by this event. Personally, you're trying to be strong, because you can't bear seeing your family crumble apart. You'd like to focus on moving forward like your mother would've liked to. And maybe it's childish to try to toughen up, but someone has to be responsible in this situation. And it looks like that someone is you.

It's not like you don't trust Slick to take care of Karkat while he's misbehaving; on the contrary, he's quite scary when he gets mad. But lately, he's been complacent of his attitude, as irritating as it is. Not to mention Karkat has been constantly pushing you away. Your worst thoughts settle on the possibility that he resents you too, for choosing to leave. But you have always been close siblings, you plead that isn't the reason.

As Karkat storms up to his bedroom and shuts the door behind him, you lose another bit of confidence in the situation. Jack isn't of much help. He stares at the way Karkat went, with an expression you can't make out.  
You want him to do something, anything. You don't care if he sighs or gets angry or throws a fit over manners. You want him to try. Try and get Karkat back. But instead, he turns around, scratches the back of his head and closes the front door. He places his keys on the table beside the door frame and wanders off towards the kitchen. His suitcase is abandoned in the hallway.

You postpone taking care of your own luggage and follow him. You'd like to have a word with him. As you pass the dining room, you can't help but squint at the four chairs around the table. From the edge of the kitchen, you see Jack leaning on the counter. He has already pulled out a cigarette. It's still unlit, but you scold at it anyway. You inhale and call him.

"Jack, pardon me if I bother you. But, are you not going to tell him something?" You begin calmly. Jack turns his head to you. "It's been a few weeks and- I know this is hard for all of us, but he can't behave like this forever."

You are watching him, confronting him directly. You can't help but notice the tiredness on his face. The terrible bags under his eyes. The way he doesn't have the edge he used to. He's devastated too. How could he not be? He just lost his wife. The love of his life. A few last months at her side are not enough to be prepared for that. Nothing could ever be enough.

Even though you've visited him over the years, you have no idea what he's been up to all the time he's been living alone in this house. You know he works at some kind of office. And it has kept him wealthy enough, because he could afford not to work and spend all summer away. The house remains in great condition too, same as every time you see it. You make fun of the fact that his suit is the only thing that's out of shape, and make a mental note to remind him to buy a new one later.

Jack sighs and squishes his eyes with his index and thumb. "Ain't sure if that's the best thing to do right now, Kankri." He slurs his words, taking out his lighter. But he knows you don't like the smoke, so he doesn't lit up his cancer stick. "We all need space. And we both know he ain't acceptin' a word without a fight I ain't up for." He seems to be more comfortable talking to you than to Karkat. After all, you're practically an adult and the elder child.

"If you ignore him it will solve nothing. I can not accept to just feed his anger issues, and I am sure you can not either. We have been dragging this for years now. You have broken into awful fights several times. I think it is time to put a stop to it.” You press on.

It's true, though. Karkat's temper is worse than any other person you've ever known. You're terribly worried he will soon develop some nasty wrinkles. However, if Jack thinks ignoring it is better, that's ridiculous. You could recite multiple essay pages on how unhealthy that is, for all of you. And you would, if people didn't constantly tell you how annoying they find it.

"Look, I know, ok? I promise I will make it work, 's not like I want to live in a fuckin’ trench. I just- I ain’t sure what to do yet." Jack admits, bowing his head.

You cross your arms and sulk, uncertain of what to say. You want Jack to take action, but what can you do yourself? Your twist your lips and Jack's expression softens. He places an arm on your shoulder and pulls you close.

"C'mon, Kankri, let him rest some more. We should too, the trip must be killin' you".

You sigh and smile, then nod gently. You feel at ease when Jack squishes your shoulder. That gets you nostalgic, so you close your eyes and hug him. Your stepfather holds you in his arms. Just the way he did when you were a child and messed up. Or when you cried and felt bad for leaving your mother. And you can tell he needed it too. He must feel lost and confused, not unlike Karkat. That's why you need them to talk.

You spend some more time with your stepfather, talking about moving forward, and staying together. He listens to you patiently and repeats his promise. You thank him and smile tiredly before you head upstairs.

You check your watch, it's almost seven. As you enter your room and gaze through the window you can, sure enough, see the night peeking in the sky. You close the door behind you and begin to inspect your bedroom. The bedroom of your childhood. The bed was kept clean, your desk and library seem to be dusted often, and the belongings that you chose to keep throughout the years are secure in your closet. There are a few special objects still scattered around though. A lamp that your mother gave you when you entered high school. A lovely, wooden house model you built and painted with Slick many years ago. Your favorite books, that you read again and again. And a variety of jigsaw puzzles you used to solve with Karkat. All of these are your memories, preserved here before you headed to live on campus. Especially a lovely frame of the first time the four of you were camping.  
You approach the picture to see your whole family embracing each other behind a campfire. The tents surrounding the background and the trees darkened by the night seal the environment. You fail to hold a couple of tears when you remember how simple and happy were times back then. Karkat used to love Jack, they were very close. You remember that day your brother was excited to learn how to play cards with him. Your mother was so happy you could do that trip, but she was mortified when she found Jack teaching Karkat some tricks with a knife. You recall getting mad along with her, but it was such a silly thing that you ended laughing it off.

You miss her so much already. You wonder, what would she do now? What would she tell Jack and Karkat? It pains you to think that if things keep going the way they are, you could lose the family you have left. It's not easy to say goodbye to a mother. A partner. That's why things have been a nightmare to you three. You don't know how to live without her.

You sigh and sit on your bed. You need to rest, just a little more. On your phone, you set an alarm for eight. Then take off a few layers of clothes, which you fold and put aside carefully. You lay down on the soft mattress and slowly begin to drift into a comfortable nap.

#####  **=== >**

You hear a cheerful tune in the middle of the void of sleep. That's your alarm. You turn around and get up. You did not dream at all, and you do not feel like you rested well. You can't believe it's already been an hour. At least your body isn't hurting as much from sitting on the plane for so long. But your mind is still crowded with many emotions and concerns. You hold your face as you turn off the alarm and notice a bunch of messages from your friends. Which you decide to attend later.  
You stand up and head towards your bathroom to take a shower. You let the warm water wash away the grief that has settled on your head. Tomorrow you will return to campus and resume your studies. That means leaving Karkat and Jack alone. And the idea sounds bad, considering they fight for just about anything. It stresses you out to think they could tear each other apart the moment you leave. But that is just a silly thought, and you disregard it. They're family, after all, it's not as if they'll kill each other. Yet, you suck at convincing yourself that things will go smoothly. In any case, the current plan is to make them stay in good terms and slowly advance from there. It might be challenging after all those years of resentment, but you have to believe things will turn out good.

Once you relax under the warm stream of water, your mind drifts off. You wonder if it will be alright if they just learn to get along, even if they stay emotionally distant. But that's unacceptable. You imagine a fight where they throw objects at each other, and get scared at the horrifying scenario. Then you contemplate the possibility of Karkat running away. And oh, no. What if he dies under a bridge, cold and alone. You don't think Jack could handle anything happening to him. What if he becomes an alcoholic? Then suddenly you think that if they yell too much someone might call the police. Jack hates the cops- oh, shoot. There's an unpleasant pressure on your chest, breathing becomes a bit painful. Suddenly everything seems like it will never work out and you HAVE to stay, you can't just leave again-

You hold yourself and lean on the wall, afraid you might slip on the wet tiles. You breathe out and run a hand through your hair. That train of thought was getting more absurd by the second. You bow your head and chuckle, grief overcomes you.

You make an effort to compose yourself. A titanic effort. You inhale, hold it, then exhale. Again. One more time. The water pouring down from the shower helps, but you reach and turn the knob to stop it. You take a towel and stuff your face in it. They will be fine, you resolve. You will immediately know if anything happens. And that's where you decide to settle your thoughts.

Eventually, you dress up and get out to go downstairs. You look around to see if Karkat came out of his room, but since you don't find him you assume he must've not. Jack is still in the kitchen, and he's preparing pasta for dinner. You smile and decide to help.

"Didya take a nap?" Jack says when you approach.

"Yeah."

"Feel better?"

You hum and give him a smirk, then put your hands to slice some pieces of bread, while Jack finishes the sauce.

"I am still worried, though. I was thinking, maybe I should take a week and stay around? To, you know, ensure everything works out?" You're still considering skipping the first classes, but if it's necessary you only need to make a few arrangements and-

"No. Ain't happenin’, Kanks. Ya need to worry 'bout the goddamn future. 'S time to get back to work. And your work is college.” He frowns.

"Fine, yeah, fine. Why did I even consider it." You chuckle tensely as you give in quick. You're losing focus on priorities. "What are you going to do about Karkat then?"

"Eh, let's all talk 'bout that on the table". Jack says, then begins to serve the plates.

You arrange the bread, glasses and everything else you need on the table. When it's all settled, you return upstairs and knock on Karkat’s door.

"Karkat, it is me, your brother. Dinner is ready.”

You hear him shuffle inside, followed by some grunts. Then the rough voice of your sibling comes out.

"I'm not hungry."

"I did not ask if you were. Besides, we got pasta. You love pasta."

You hear the bed bounce and Karkat's feet stomping on the floor.

"When the hell did I said I love pasta?! I eat pasta and it might be good, but I don't love it. It's not a fucking personality trait, Kankri."

You snicker. Your lips curve into a big smile. Karkat can get mad about the most simple things. And as his brother, you find it hilarious to rile him up. It's a bit sad that when he gets angry about important stuff. Because he doesn't forgive easily. You knock on the door again.

"May I come in?"

After a pause, your brother says you may. You turn the knob and step in. You find Karkat sitting at the edge of his old bed, which seems tiny compared to him. Even if he's short, the bed was still made for a child smaller than him. You can't help but laugh at the sight. Karkat's cheeks blush red and he pouts.

"Don't laugh! It's not fair I have to sleep on this insignificant crib". He growls, and you truly try hard to hold your amusement.

"Sorry, it is just- I have been nostalgic ever since we got here. You did grow up, huh? Shocking!” You cover your mouth and laugh some more.

“Shut up, you big, piece of trash baby." He says embarrassed, pointing his finger at you. "Of course I grew up.”

“Hey, runt." You nod your head at him. "Come down and have dinner with us. If you're not hungry just eat what you can. Sounds good? We also need to- Well..."

"Talk, I know. This is going to be great." He says, rolling his eyes

Karkat gets on his feet and walks past you. He pushes you a little and you pick on his hair in return, then together you make your way to the dining room. Slick is sitting on his spot, you sit in yours and so does your brother, just like old times. Somehow, everyone successfully ignores the fourth chair and begins to eat. It's been five years since you sat like this at home. But of course, it's not a happy meal. The space your mother left is bigger than you would have ever imagined. And even though Jack's food is surprisingly delicious, the air is tense. You resolve to wait until the plates are clean. Karkat ate very well even when he said he wasn't hungry, which gives you a confidence boost.

"Karkat, as you know, I will be going back to campus tomorrow to continue studying." You begin the much required discussion. "I wish I did not have to, but please, promise me everything will be fine. And that you will attend your responsibilities too."

Karkat doesn't look up. He frowns and his face looks sharp. His hair is messy, and he looks tired and crabby. He has bags under his eyes and he looks a bit pale. Maybe you should have made him sleep and eat better back in- For goodness sake, you’re such an apprehensive person. You focus back on the conversation.

"Being in this shithole isn't exactly pretty, but I'll survive." Karkat grunts, his eyes fixated on his empty plate. You roll your eyes.

"Yes, but see? This is the kind of attitude I need you to avoid. How can I trust you will keep yourself in check when you're being so unnecessarily negative." _It really is starting to get fucking annoying_ , you think.

"Wow, excuse me? Attitude? Negative? I swear, as for how excited I am to be here and for how much it sucks already, I think I do have the right to feel however the fuck I want!" Karkat slams his hands on the table, finally darting his eyes to you.

"Is that your pretext for making things harder than they already are? You have to do something better with all of this, Karkat. You can't stay in your room, typing on your computer all day." You rant. Karkat holds his air and his face twists.

"You can't-" He sounds conflicted and frowns. "Goddammit, you can't just make me forget about her already!"

You gasp. Then sputter some unintelligible noises, exasperated beyond tolerance. "I am NOT! Why would you even think such-? How could you?!" How in fucking hell could he say that? You feel your face heat up and your eyes burn through Karkat. But he's looking away.

Then you realize you finally did it. You messed up and Karkat hates you now. But before you completely panic, Jack jumps into the discussion.

"Hey, shut the fuck up!" He says, his voice strained. He points between you two with his fork. "Easy now. Don't lose focus of what we're settlin' here."

He turns to you, but you can't hold his stare so you lower your gaze and cover your mouth. You don't want to let your anger get the best of you. If you keep talking you wouldn't speak pretty. Jack then turns to Karkat, who of course can and will hold his gaze.

"Karkat. We ain't askin’ you to forget 'bout your mother, but we won't let ya squirm around in sorrow either." He says in a dangerous tone that he barely uses. Jack clenches his fist on top of the table. "Ya can't do that."

"Are you kidding me?! After all the shit you pulled on us, YOU want to tell ME not to sweat it?!" Karkat roars, bare teethed.

You think that, perhaps, you pushed him too much. Somehow the fact that Karkat isn't ready to move on skipped your mind. You've been concentrating on yourself too much. You're the worst older brother there is, how could you overlook Karkat's feelings like this? You failed to reassure him. You failed him, just like you failed your mother.

Jack sighs and seems to rethink his words. His head tilts down restlessly. He releases the clench of his fists and grabs his head with one hand. If he had something to say he let it go. Karkat sinks in his seat and crosses his arms, once again looking away from you two.

"Alright, I'm sorry, kid." Jack finally speaks, regaining the calm tone he's been using for the past few weeks. It irks you, your stepfather isn't like that. "We hate to push ya around like this but listen, we're all gonna do our parts from now on. Kankri won't be around, I need to get back to work, and you're gonna start over." He points at each of you. "We are here in the same spot, the three a' us. There's no place for turnin' into each other."

Karkat doesn't respond. His bottom lip juts out and you think he might start crying. But he doesn't, and he crosses his arms. Karkat hates crying. He takes a peek at you, his eyes are broken, his heart shattered like you've never seen before. Your hand falls from your face as it twists with guilt. His gaze goes down again.

"I don't think we're all on the same page, but whatever." He weakly comes up to speak again, after a moment. "I can at least pretend I'm ok with this. That should be enough to get this sick joke of a life sailing."

"It isn't, though". You whisper. The house falls silent.

Karkat still won't look at you but you aren't trying to get his attention. Jack rubs his face with his palms. You remember how he mentioned he wasn't up for a fight like this. He stands up with an expression that's decided to murder this tension.

"We can take this step by step. Let's tackle it down when everyone feels more like it. And whatever else that comes we'll deal with on the way."

And with that, he starts taking the dishes away. Karkat pushes his own to the center of the table and once more leaves for his bedroom. Jack goes to drop the plates on the sink. You notice the way his steps feel cunning and he walks straight. And you, you are left alone. Lost on what to do. What are you even thinking anymore, you can't juggle your way around this. You can't control everything. You ended up hurting Karkat. You have never been good at this and you aren't going to magically start now. It was your mother who always soothed him, she was the only one who knew what to say to make your brother feel safe. You can't do anything for him. Your fists cover your face in frustration, you hear Jack come back. He crouches at your side.

"Hey, I'm sorry I blew it. 'S gonna be ok, son."

"It is not!" You snap, your fists strike the table. "I suck at this. We suck at this. It is evident that things are completely unbalanced, we can not function anymore without Mom. And what a goddamn brother I turned out to be, I urged too much from him and now he hates me." You bury your face on the table and cross your arms over it. A sob escapes your mouth.

"He doesn't hate ya, Kanks. He just doesn't know how to deal with any of this shit." Jack gently pets your head and you slightly raise it to look at him. His face is as gentle as it gets, for someone with his sharp features, and he's smiling. "He can't move on just yet, but you're not gonna stop bein' brothers. Hold onto that." 

You know that. Still, you wish you could do more for him. You take a moment to think and then lay your head on the table once more, this time on top of your arms.

"Maybe I don't know how to deal with it either." You confess. Jack rubs your back softly. You wanted so badly to be above all of this, but clearly, you failed miserably.

"Well, that's three a' us." Points Jack with a shrug of his shoulder, as he ruffles your hair some more.

"Must be in the family." You faintly joke as you muster a silly smile and rub your eyes. You shake his hand off your head and he takes a step back.

"Let's keep trying.” Jack says, turning around to walk into the kitchen. His hand makes a dismissive wave. “Ain't no damn reason for things to get better right now." You deduce he's going to smoke again, and sigh.

"Yeah. Goodnight, Jack." You stand up from your seat.

"Night, Kanks."

You walk upstairs, craving for rest. You wish you could pry open the door that solves this issue with your family. Normally you're excellent at discussions and disputes but, now that it comes to the people you love, you feel clouded and unable to do anything. Though it's encouraging that Jack has your back and keeps trying to make you feel ok about all of this. You want to do that for them too.

When you are about to enter your room, you hear a mumble call you from behind. You turn to see Karkat, leaning on the wall at the other end of the hallway. He was waiting for you. He hugs himself and seems to keep having trouble maintaining eye contact. You stand still and wait patiently for him, your hands joined nervously in front of you.

"I'm sorry, Kankri." He beings after a moment. "I shouldn't have said that, about forgetting. It's not fair to take things out on you, I know you're just worried." He shrugs. "I don't even think I deserve that."

"Don't say that." You shake your head, trying to choose your words carefully. Your fingers now fidget with the end of your shirt. "Nobody can be ready for this. So I apologize too, I should have known better than putting pressure on you. I have been completely ignorant of your emotions because of my incompetence. I do not want to fight with my brother, I just want us to talk so we can perhaps make these miserable times improve slightly." Karkat's shoulders slump and he gulps. You force a smile to soften the mood. "But hey, I will accept your apology if you accept mine."

Karkat finally smiles and he rolls his eyes. He groans and then gives in. "Fine. Still, I can be a worthless idiot like- the entirety of time? So I am directly responsible for a chunk of your preoccupations." Karkat looks at you with resolved eyes. "I can fucking wrap my head around all of this, but that doesn't mean I have to pretend I'm fine with it. In fact, just having to even see Slick is a curse that tears around the edges of my guts like a dozen rampageous baboons." As he raves you don't stop smiling, and it becomes genuine just by seeing he's really trying. "What I'm trying to say it's- I'll be fine, I know what the fuck I have to do. And I know you, and Mom, want me to give Slick another chance- but I'll do it when I'm ready to give a shit." He finishes, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Well, at least you said you will." You rub the back of your head with a chuckle, but you are interrupted halfway by a yawn you are careful to cover. "Let's try again in the morning. I won't push you anymore but I want to get things from 'bad' to 'slightly ok'. Alright, runt?" You tease, stepping back into your bedroom.

"Aye, aye, windbag. Go to sleep". He goofs likewise before he enters his own.

You guess that proves Jack right. You’re brothers, that’s going to keep you together even when you think nothing will. Between talking to your stepfather and your sibling, you now have enough courage to hold up some more time and face the future.  
You peacefully lay in your bed, hopeful for your family, and enter a restful dream.

#####  **> BE KARKAT**

You close the door behind you and slide down to fall on your butt. You're terrible, the scum of the earth. You don't feel like your apology was enough to make up for the disgusting things you said. You cover your face and sigh. Kankri seemed pretty satisfied, but you are not. How can anyone forgive you? You're lucky he hasn't got tired of you yet... You bang your head with your fists, chanting that's not gonna happen. Not again. You just need to regain focus, as your stupid stepfather said.  
You're doing this for your brother and mother, you're enduring for them. You still don't feel like you can ever forgive Slick for sending you away, but if keeping the people you love happy means you have to withstand him, then so be it. Hopefully, you'll have fun making his life terrible as much as he makes yours.

You walk towards your laptop charging on the floor and sit before it. It's dark, but there's little furniture in this room to bump into; your tiny old bed, a nightstand, and a few racks where you used to keep toys. There should still be something inside but haven't checked. You guess your 8-year-old self wouldn't need a desk to make homework, since he needed help from family and got work done in the living room or the dining table. Now you're in middle school and you need a desk so you don't throw yourself on the carpet like a primitive pile of trash to write essays. Which you're doing right fucking now, except for the essay part.

You hug your legs, suddenly aware of how silent the house is at night. It's not that old, but it's big and it makes blunt noises sometimes. You remember many times you had to fall asleep at your mother and Slick's side because you would be too scared. You immediately discard the memories to the "Don't think about it" zone.

You startup the computer, the light it casts on the darkness in your room gives the whole scene a solitary vibe. That and the fact that you left almost nothing here when you moved to Europe, shit's on the bare bones.  
There isn't an ounce of sleep in you, sure you're tired, but not fatigued. The multiple tolls on your psychological state have been translating into restless nights for weeks now. It also makes you more crabby than you already are, naturally. Not like you care, you're simply not having anyone's bullshit.

You spend your time online. While clicking through whatever posts you find to waste time, your mind starts to haunt you with the discussion you had at dinner. It annoys you that you're being so fucking immature, but you don't want to live with Slick. You've thought about it several times and you always conclude that you hate him and want nothing to do within his proximity. Who wouldn't be angry at someone who pushed you far away just because he didn't want to play family anymore? Or whatever. Even if he visited, you could tell your mom missed this house and this town. This was her home too. It was your home.

You notice there's been a tab blinking in your desktop, it's a chat window from Persterchum. The handle is one you would recognize even after descending the 9 circles of Hell: ectoBiologist. You click the glowing fucker and read the log.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

EB: karkat i saw you arrive i'm so excited you're finally here!  
EB: you there, buddy?  
EB: hey i know you aren't moving back in the best conditions, but everyone is genuinely happy you're back  
EB: if you're ignoring me that's fair, just know i can literally walk across the street to kick your butt!  
CG: EGBERT, QUIT YOUR DETESTABLE DELIVERY  
CG: I KNOW YOU ARE STARVING FOR MY GRATIFYING PRESENCE BUT YOU SHOULD PERHAPS TAKE IN CONSIDERATION THAT THE FEELING IS NOT MUTUAL, DUMBASS.  
EB: hahahahahaha  
EB: there you are!  
EB: what are you even doing, took you so long to answer  
CG: NEEDS THAT HAVE TO BE SATISFIED TO KEEP THE HUMAN SPECIMEN ALIVE, LIKE DINNER  
CG: ALSO I TOOK CARE OF MY LUGGAGE, IF I'M GOING TO LIVE HERE AGAIN I DON'T WANT TO TAKE MY CLOTHES FROM A BAG EVERY FUCKING DAY.  
EB: you could've done that tomorrow  
EB: speaking of which what are you doing tomorrow :B  
CG: WHY?  
EB: you know, i was thinking we should hang out for a little while  
CG: JOHN, I HAVE A LOT IN MY MIND TO DEAL WITH ALREADY  
CG: LIKE THE REST OF MY STUFF THAT'S ARRIVING TOMORROW  
CG: SO NO.   
EB: come on if you need help i'll give a hand too  
CG: AND WHAT ARE YOUR NERDY LIMBS GOING TO DO WHEN MY BELONGINGS ARRIVE?   
CG: WIGGLE AROUND THE BOXES USELESSLY LIKE MAGGOTS, THAT'S WHAT.  
EB: hey i can certainly lift more than you!  
EB: you're still the shortest kid around  
CG: SHUT UP, DON'T TALK ABOUT MY HEIGHT.  
EB: hehehe, i'll just drop by tomorrow  
CG: NO? YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT, WHAT THE FUCK?  
CG: IF I SEE YOUR FACE IN MY PORCH I WILL KICK YOUR GODDAMN ASS SO HARD IT WILL PROPEL THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY AND JOIN THE JOURNEY OF POMPOUS BULLSHITTER SPACE TWITS.  
CG: DARE TO APPEAR AT MY DOOR TOMORROW AND YOU HAVE WON YOURSELF A TICKET TO E.B. GO HOME, THE STUPID EXTRATERRESTRIAL TRASH, NOW IN YOUR LOCAL THEATERS.  
EB: i will have to take the risk of marvelous space traveling, karkat :B  
EB: btw jade is visiting her uncle so i don't think you'll get to see her tomorrow  
CG: IT MIGHT BE HARD, BUT I THINK I CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT.  
EB: man how long has it been anyway?  
EB: i know we kept our usual comradeship by pestering each other  
EB: but it's not the same as actually seeing you  
CG: IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS, JOHN.  
EB: whoa  
EB: it kind of feels like time didn't go by, you know?  
EB: i mean  
EB: i know the um, the reason you're back isn't very happy  
EB: whatever. we talked about it already  
EB: what i mean is, i'm really glad we can hang out again  
EB: you know, like old times  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: AT LEAST YOU WANT ME HERE.  
CG: THAT MAKES IT A LITTLE BIT NICER, I GUESS.  
CG: THANKS.  
EB: hey, everyone wants you here karkat!  
EB: we've been talking about it for days  
CG: I'D PREFER YOU DIDN'T MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT  
CG: IT'S ANNOYING.  
EB: not like i was gonna throw you a party or anything  
CG: GOD, YOU BETTER NOT.  
EB: hehehe, yeah i didn't  
EB: i know you wouldn't like that  
EB: uh, not like this  
CG: IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN YOU SOMETIMES AREN'T A CLUELESS IDIOT.  
EB: i’m a great friend, i know hehe  
EB: hey it's getting late, and i got places to be tomorrow  
EB: (like yours)  
CG: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.  
EB: cool! see you tomorrow!  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

As you close the window without responding, you bring your hands to cover your face. You're having a hard time believing that anyone- no. John Egbert has been your friend since forever, and he's too selfless to ever, simply, not care. He really knows you more than you'd like, and he knows how to push your buttons. Just as he knows how not to.

As you told him, at least someone is making this a little better. At least he cares. You don't want to ask that from Kankri. He's been trying, but he has his own stuff to deal with. Whatever, you have friends, and they've offered more than you could have ever wanted. Unconditionally. It makes it easier, knowing there's someone there for you. Maybe if you hold onto that, you can make it out of this alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary might change as the story advances. Tags, Warnings and Characters will be added in future chapters. 
> 
> It is very important to me that more than kudos, you give me a comment or even a critique (I'm fully aware I'm not the best writer). I appreciate your feedback even if you think it's not necessary, but for me, it means the world. (^v^  
> Also, please allow me to not embarrass myself, if you see any typos do let me know.
> 
> You can also scream at me about this fic at thepencilriot-stuck.tumblr.com
> 
> More importantly, I really want to write this fanfic, which I've had the idea for a couple of years now, so if a lot of people get interested it will give me a confidence boost. And tie me with chains! So please, if you like it, you might want to consider sharing it.  
> Right now, I'm really not sure of how fast will I post or advance this fanfic, my apologies.
> 
> Do not hesitate to ask me any questions at the end, but I will answer depending on its spoiler relevancy! If it's just small facts or questioning my schedule that you'd like to know I will most certainly be glad to reply.
> 
> A small thanks to my test readers for this first chapter. <3
> 
> August 11, 2019 EDIT: Rewrote the whole chapter. I shifted my style, and there were a lot of scenes bothering me. For those who read the previous version: do not worry, everything is still the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**> KARKAT: WAKE UP**

A series of high-pitched beeps enters your ears and runs around your head making every single one of your brain cells throb painfully. You open your eyes through a small frown and stretch, your feet go out of the bed. Goddamnit, you can't even wake up comfortably in this house. The beeps somehow get louder, unbearable for the headache you woke up with. You slam the alarm clock silent, then bury your head back in the soft pillow, it smells sterile and plastique. Must be new. You really want to go back to sleep...

Wait, you didn't pull out any pillows yesterday, or any blankets like the one you're wrapped in. You don't have a fucking alarm clock either. Who the hell wakes up so early at- it's Sunday, isn't it? You don't even remember falling asleep. With a jump, you sit and look around the room, your laptop is still on the floor, the early light of the morning lits the walls through the curtains. You rub your face and whisper a curse, the fuck happened?

You lazily get up and go towards your backpack, still in the corner where you threw it. You notice you are still fully clothed while looking through its interior to get your phone and headphones. You remember being awake late at night but it gets foggy past 4 am. Maybe you just got on automatic mode and tucked yourself in; that's how stupid your past self is. You definitely remember this headache, dammit. You lean on the wall and spend some time checking notifications in your phone, refusing to do anything even though you're wide awake. However, you get bored pretty fast and ditch that.

You walk into your bathroom and take off the dark grey hoodie you slept in. Underneath you have a t-shirt of a Broadway musical you and your mother liked a lot. You stand there looking at it for a while before you finally take a shower. When you're out, you pick some clothes from your previously organized closet, a grey t-shirt with some band's logo printed and a pair of pants. Finally, you tap your hair dry with a towel. You don't make any styling whatsoever, hence why your hair always ends up looking like a rat's nest. The rat is you.

You make your way downstairs, taking your phone. You notice Kankri's door is open, and you pick up a buttery smell in the air when you enter the dining room. Slick is sitting on his chair reading today's newspaper and from where you stand you can see Kankri is making pancakes. Your brother notices you're awake when you scoot your chair to sit down.

"Good morning, Karkat!" He greets cheerfully.

"Morning", you grunt.

"Morning, kid". Slick greets from behind his reading, he's not looking up so he can't see you frown with disdain towards him.

The sounds from the kitchen, sweet smell, and dim sunlight, make the situation that took place the night before rather silly in comparison. There was a lot of tension so it contrasts with such a domestic vibe. Kankri asks you to help him set the table, and you get to it grumpily. But the fact that he is wearing an apron is funny enough to make up your morning. There are three mugs on the counter; you're glad they let you drink coffee now, you really need it. You hear a beep from the coffee machine and serve two of the mugs. Kankri prepares your pancakes with whipping cream and strawberries, just how you like them; you think this is either a plot of his to get you in a good mood or just another way of saying goodbye. His own pancakes have raspberries, and Slick's are the ones with jam. You push Slick's plate away from you and take your plate and Kankri's to the table. When you come back to take the coffee, your brother gives you a small frown and you smirk deviously, then turn around with the two mugs. He shakes his head and serves Slick's coffee himself, then carries it and your stepfather's plate to the table silently. There's no sign of Slick noticing your little wit.

Once again, you three sit on the table and eat without conversation, but it's different. A night of good rest could have done the trick, but you doubt so. It's just a silent vow to keep things moving forward, as it was discussed. Slick is still reading the newspaper, occasionally he would answer messages tinkling from his phone. Kankri was pretty immersed on his own device, surely typing away some lecture. You decide to join in and keep checking your notifications, although now there are none to check, except from one message from John, still bugging you with his visit.

EB: i'll just finish breakfast and be there right before you know it  
CG: BRING A HAMMER AND END MY SUFFERING.  
EB: what? you're aren't allowed to drink coffee again?  
CG: WORST  
CG: A JACKASS IS COMING TO MY HOUSE AND HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.  
EB: hahaha yeah right

You look away from the chat log when you hear Slick speak to your brother.

"Ya sure ya don't want me to give ya a ride?" He offers.

"Oh, no. I already have arranged with my roommate to come and pick me up in his car, Jack. But thank you again for the offering." You take some interest in that.

"Wait, Ampora? Or should I say Jerk The Second? What's he doing you favors for?" Kankri rises an eyebrow at you.

"While I can not defend his commonly lousy behavior, I can assure you he is not a bad person. In fact, he was the one who offered to drive me back to campus". He takes a moment to think and then adds arrogantly. "Besides, aren't you friends with his younger brother?"

"Yes, and Eridan is an idiot too, but Cronus is way worse." You snort. Your brother rolls his eyes, and Slick looks up from his newspaper.

"If that roomie of yours ever gives ya any trouble just punch him on the neck and break his nose." He emphasizes his words by taking his fist below his nose, signaling the direction of the blow. "Boys like those are all bark, no bite. See if he ever bugs ya again". Kankri sighs.

"Jack, we have been over this a dozen times and my answer is still no. I am not going to physically assault my roommate". He objects, crossing his arms. You are not surprised this isn't the first time this has been suggested. "And also, he is not that bad. He might be socially inadequate but he has shown to be a very reliable person."

"If ya say so." Slick shrugs, then he straightens his newspaper to go back to read it. You wonder if Kankri has ever complained about Cronus in front of Slick. You're sure that guy wouldn't be coming if it was like that.

You're almost finished eating when another conversation sprouts. Kankri speaks to you softly.

"Karkat, I do not think I will be able to come back in a few weeks. I need to make up for some subjects I left out of my schedule." You notice he fidgets with his fork; he must be thinking back to the past few months, you suppose. "And even then, it is only on weekends when I will be free. Therefore, I need to ask you again to please behave in my absence. Alright? Do you need anything else before I leave?"

You hum a weak affirmation, not really interested in following this conversation. You don't think it will end as badly as yesterday but you're not up for it either way. Your own fork plays around with the last bits of pancake on your plate. Kankri doesn't seem very happy with your answer.

"I really wish I could spend more time here but I can not afford to lose more grades. But do remember you can always call or message me and I'll answer every time."

"I don't think I'll have the need to call you, but ok." You don't even look up at that one. Kankri's tone gets slightly anxious.

"It can be just for having a small conversation! Do you not want to call your brother?" He says, and you raise an eyebrow at him. Kankri relaxes his shoulders when you look at him. "I will take you wherever you would like when I come back, how does that sound?” He smiles. “Do you want to go see a movie and complain about how it could have been better?"

You shrug. Nothing you can think of sounds very appealing right now, not that your thoughts are flowing very well. You start to hyperfocus in your last bite of pancake. Kankri helplessly tries to get your interest a few more times, asking you about your friends or school, but you can't seem to shift your attention to him. Slick jumps into the conversation again.

"Most of the time I'll be going to work all day, kid. Ya get to have the house all for yourself." You process that for longer than you needed to and answer after almost a minute.

"So you're leaving me, yet again."

"Karkat..." Kankri looks at you with a heartache. Shit, you didn't mean him. But before you can even begin to react and apologize your stepfather speaks again.

"If that's the way you want to see it, kid. Thought you'd be happy to have some space. Just be sure to do your chores, and you're free to do whatever ya want."

"You gotta be kidding me." you murmur.

You finish your breakfast and push your dish forward to have some table space to lie on. You shoot an apologetic look at Kankri, he returns you a little smile. You guess he trusts you more to handle things on your own like you talked yesterday. You look at your stepfather once more.

"And how long will you be gone, anyway? What am I supposed to do alone in this stupidly big house?"

Slick looks up again, making sure you're talking to him and locks eyes with you. He seems more resolved to deal with your shit than yesterday. "Your chores." He repeats, and then adds after picking up his phone: "And your homework, I guess."

Kankri narrows his eyes at Slick, that's not quite how he likes to handle things.

"I'm being left to rot between these walls." You exaggerate.

"Anyways." Kankri began, eager to cut off Slick's poor attention to the issue. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, Karkat. You will just have to learn to be independent at an earlier stage of your life. I am sure it will be quite enriching and fun." His gaze adverts you to not even try to complain again, and you don't. When Kankri gets mad it's just like when your mom used to. Pretty nasty. He gets up from his chair with a smirk and ruffles your hair. You shake him off with your lips twisted and then sulk on the table when he starts taking the dishes to the kitchen. From across the table, you catch Slick looking funny at you and then he shrugs.

"It's good to have someone around again, kid. Don't make it look so bad." But you really don't think so. He buries his face in the newspaper again. You don't have anything to say to that, so you don't bother to acknowledge him.

When Kankri comes back and checks on his phone again, he announces that his ride is almost here. He exits the dining room and goes upstairs. You get up and follow behind, but turn into the living room. You let your weight fall on the couch and once more you start scrolling down your social media. Soon enough, you hear a vehicle pull up in front of your house, you look through the open curtains of the window and see an expensive looking car, painted in white.

"Kankri, the douche is here!" You shout at your brother.

"Could you have a little bit of respect?" He shouts back and you chuckle, you think you made him a little bit angry. And you hope Crouns heard you too.

Kankri comes down after a moment and you see Slick appear to help him carry his bags outside. You follow them. Like many other people, you haven't seen Cronus in quite a while; he used to stick to your brother because he was the only person who had any sort of patience for him. You guess Kankri got rewarded for it by having a reliable roommate who could pay the rent and help him out whenever. Friendship goals. You find the man in question leaning on his white, sporty car, with his thumbs on his pockets and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. He's dressed in black pants, with a plain white t-shirt and a denim jacket. His hair is styled back into a wave. You've always made fun of how he unintentionally falls in the greaser style so well; like out of the old movies your Mom used to watch. He raises a hand and greets you one by one.

"Hey, Kan! Mr. Noir, Karkat." He looks at you and raises his eyebrows, he must have heard you. "Missed ya too, shorty. By the way, I told Eri you were movin' back here. He's quite excited to see you."

"Really, grease stick?" You follow the bickering. "And what has gotten into you lately? Giving rides, delivering messages nobody fucking asked you to." Cronus smiles and shrugs.

"Well, you know. A little kindness makes life better." And then he laughs, like mocking you. Before you can respond, Kankri immediately interrupts you, bitterly. He's not having that today.

"Thank you again for coming to drive me back, Cronus. Did you have any complications to get here?" Cronus seems more pleased to get to talk to Kankri instead of you.

"Nah, making my way back to town was pretty dull. But it's been fun spending time at home again." Your brother's friend makes his way to the back of his car. Kankri and Slick follow, and when the boot is open they start putting Kankri's luggage in.

"That is wonderful. Did you see anyone we know around?"

"Saw Tuna and Tula hangin' out. Still the same as always." Cronus shrugs then he closes the boot and goes around the car to open the door of the copilot seat. Kankri turns to your stepfather to thank him and then gives him a tight hug.

"I will come to visit as soon as I can. Promise me you will immediately call me if anything happens." He points at him, Slick agrees like he has been told this countless times. Kankri then points at you and says: "You too." You cross your arms and tap your fingers on your forearm. Your brother walks up to you and hugs you as well. You try to retain yourself from hugging back at first, for the sake of making this less cheesy, but you go for it. And get quite into it. Kankri whispers into your ear.

"Thanks for giving him a chance. He's really happy to have you here, I swear. And he misses you." He pulls back and smiles at you, you're not sure what face you should make. Kankri ruffles your hair again and speaks normally. "See you soon, gremlin."

"See ya, smartass." You reply with a big smile, not caring for brushing his hand off this time and instead, you cross your arms again.

You didn't notice until now, but Egbert is approaching from the other side of the street. He waves.

"Hello! You're leaving already, Kankri?"

"Ah, John, hi! Yes, I am. Are you going to spend the day with Karkat?"

John finishes walking up to your side and puts his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. You don't complain. "That's right, we're gonna catch up!" He says.

"More like he's going to try and help move in my stuff." You correct sarcastically. John lets go of you with a chuckle.

"Very well, I wish you a fun day." Replies your brother happily. He goes around the car and stops for a moment. "Goodbye!" He says and then enters to his seat. Cronus closes the door behind him and paces to the driver's side.

"Later, kids. Mr. Noir." He salutes and proceeds to enter the car too. Everyone watches as the engine hums to life and the car drives off.

You stand there for a moment, watching it disappear around the corner. John stands silently at your side, with his hands on his pockets. You're not sure what to do now that Kankri is gone, it feels worse than you thought it would be. Now you are alone. But you know he'll be fine, he's just going to university. You gulp to try and close the hole on your chest. It doesn't work. Your stepfather interrupts your thoughts.

"So, what are you two doing today?"

You don't bother to answer, or even look at him. John searches your face for a second, and then he directs to Slick.

"I guess mess around in Karkat's room." he smiles. "Just until his stuff arrives."

"Moving truck's supposed to arrive in a few hours, I'll help you out with the heavy stuff." You suddenly face Slick and speak bluntly.

"I don't need you to carry anything."

"We won't be able to carry everything by ourselves for sure, Karkat!" Objects John. "Thanks, Mr. Noir, that would be great."

Slick looks between you two with drained eyes, then hums and goes back into the house. When you're sure he's out of hearing range, you groan and turn to John.

"Don't you go around humoring his bullshit, Egbert. Slick is fucking out of the game, remember?" You frown. "As your friend, I demand you treat him like a corpse on the sideways and ignore him."

"Mr. Noir is nice, though." He tilts his head, then smirks. "I know you're in a bad place right now but, it has to be temporary. It's always like that with you."

"This is not as simple, dumbass, C'mon I'll explain inside."

You enter and make your way straight to your bedroom, and John follows close. You have no idea where Slick wandered off to. Once there, you hear John cackle as you close the door behind him.

"Goodness, this place has not changed. You really slept in this bed?" He glances around.

"Yeah. It was awful, I didn't even sleep well. And it's not like I slept much, someone put that cursed alarm clock here." You sneer and point at the damn thing. "I'm pretty sure it was Slick, Kankri would have let me sleep more."

"Well if your things are arriving soon it was a good idea to wake up early."

"What did I just say about not falling for his bullshit?" You remind him, with your hands on your hips. "If you're going to be here at least be useful and help me put away all this baby stuff I'm not going to use anymore."

After that, you and John fool around, putting stuff in cardboard boxes. Old toys, spare clothes from before you moved away, old notebooks. You actually have no idea what you're going to do with all of these, but for now, they need to fuck off and make space for the new stuff.

"It's kind of sad you're going to get rid of all. We used to play with many of these." Says John picking up a blue plastique hammer with a white handle. You pick a small figurine from the pile of toys that were collected in the crates below your bed. It is a boy with a scythe, you remember it's from a show you watched as a kid.

"I'm still thinking what to do with it. If you have any suggestions I'm all ears."

"Maybe you could donate them to one of those charity organizations, I'm sure they would find kids who would love this stuff."

"A man's garbage is another man's treasure, huh." You look around and feel a bit wistful; truly, when you two were like six or seven everything was way more simple. You wouldn't be troubling yourself with any of the absurdities you do now.

It's hard, being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands.

"Why not keep some of it tho?" Says John, pivoting you back to reality. "Look at this, it's a memory mine! I don't know how it's so easy for you to let go."

"I guess I will think about it." You pause. "It's just, most of this stuff I didn't use or want any more when I moved. So it was kept here, and it makes sense Slick didn't want to touch it."

John hums apprehensively, keeping quiet for a bit too long. "So, why are we not talking to Mr. Noir again?"

"Eh, well..." You groan, but not really angry. Maybe you forced it. "It's like these toys, you know?" You look with irritation up to John, he observes you carefully and patiently. You take your time between each word and sentence. This is kind of hard to say out loud. "You say it's easy for me to let them go. It was like that for him."

"Because he moved you guys to Moomin valley?" You sigh at the joke, but you also smirk a little. The rural landscapes you lived on always threw John off.

"Yes, John. It fucking sucks to get kicked out of your own house." You throw some more stuff into a box, then stop to fidget with a small crab plush. You decide to set that one aside, as it reminded you of your mom. "I don't care about Slick, he doesn't deserve my attention. But he left us, he left my mom. Like garbage to be picked up by those gross garbage trucks. And she deserved better." She really did, you think.

John earnestly reflexes about what you said to him. You thought he would be more surprised that you were chirping like a bird so easily. Maybe he is, but he understands you were holding all of it inside too. 

"But Karkat, he's here now with you, isn't he?" He asks incredulously. "I'm sure you had to move away for a good reason. He's willing to take care of you again. You're his family."

"The only reason I'm here is that he's my only legal guardian now, and Kankri is busy with school." You quickly answer. "I'm just a responsibility. You think he would have sent us overseas if he was interested in playing family any longer?"

You look tensely at your friend right in the eyes as you speak the truth. John isn't making any expression, he's as good at poker face as Slick. You sort of shrug and go back to the pile, taking a bunch of old kindergarten sketchbooks and slamming them a bit too hard into a box. John takes the chance to scratch the back of his head and looks away, lips twisted. A silence sits on top of the conversation like a block of sand.

"I mean, I don't know how it has been. I can't even begin to imagine, Karkat." He starts. "At first I thought I did because you know..." He shoots you a quick glance and waves his hand slightly. That's right, John lost his mother too. But he was a baby, he didn't meet her. That must be what he means. You don't know how to feel now, you don't want to invalidate the emotions he's been dealing with his whole life. You reach with your reluctant hand to brush his shoulder. He turns a soft smile at you and you complete the comforting gesture before fully retrieving your arm. You smile back to encourage him to continue.

"I know I don't have a saying on it, but I think you're seeing what you want to see, dude. We've been neighbors all our lives and you expect me to believe Mr. Noir doesn't care about you?"

"Well, it's not been all our lives thanks to him." He huffs at that, amused.

"I'm just an outside eye, that's all I'm saying. I know moving was not cool at all. And I'm your friend so I don't really want to tell you you're overreacting, but."

"Overreacting my ass" you whisper.

"Heh, that's what I thought." He smiles, knowingly. "You really want to make this the hard way?"

"Of course." You regain tone and open your arms. "And I'm going to take satisfaction for it, this will be our living hell."

John sighs, like giving up. Perhaps he was planning on convincing you to stop messing around with the situation. But he already knows you're stubborn and resentful as fuck, any attempt on his part would come flat. "You're fucked up, man." He jokes.

It feels bad, talking to John without letting him give you a hand. You're not the kind of friends who talk like this, but you're glad you could. You'd like him to think this vent session, this feelings jam, was useful even if he's not going to be able to fix things. There's nothing left to fix. You gave up on Slick a long time ago, and you can't see going back any steps now.

"Anyway, it'll be fine. I'm tough, I can deal with Slick." You say, even if that's not John's concern. "Come on, let's finish and take these to the shed."

John quickly acknowledges that and helps you sort the last of the pile into the boxes. All the furniture is now fully empty and the crates are stacked in a corner. You managed to make two sizeable boxes of old belongings, but they're the right size for you to carry. Each of you takes one and start making your way downstairs. There’s still no sign of Slick when you pass by the living room and dining room. God knows where he wandered off to. You and John walk through the kitchen and go through the door that opens to the back lawn. Out here there's nothing but a clothesline and the shed. Also, many potted plants that you're surprised to see still alive. Beyond the fencing behind the house are the woods. You didn't like playing here alone when you were little, it scared you. You two walk to the door of the shed, it has a lock though.

"Didn't you used to be scared of the shed?" John teases. You both put down the boxes.

"No." You lie. "There's nothing here anyway, just a bunch of tools and scrap material to repair leaks on the ceiling and so." You used to be terrified of the dark insides of the shed, thinking something scary lived here. You tell John to wait as you quickly go to the kitchen and search in the keys drawer to unlock the door of the shed. You remember it was a big, crooked key. Nightmarish.

When you come back and slowly push the wooden door open and it creaks, you indeed see that you were not wrong. There are gardening tools that probably were your mom's, a lawnmower, a gasoline based generator, a big toolbox that must be Slick's, and a bunch of discarded wood planks and ceiling tiles. It's a big shed and the light hardly gets through the single, small window; you can see why you were scared of it before, but now you are frankly embarrassed. You take your respective boxes and walk to the back of the shed, there's a worktable where you decide to place them on top of each other. The boxes will be safely stored here until you decide how to get all of the contents sorted.

You lock the shed once more and go back inside. You return the damned key to the drawer and follow John through the way back to your room.

"Hey, so what about school?" He gushes. "The first day is always exciting." You groan, au contraire.

"Yet another thing that's the bane of my existence."

"Don't be like that. I told you everyone was excited for you to be back, didn't I? It was no lie! You have so many people to greet tomorrow."

"May I know why you did my comeback public information? It was literally the worst thing you could do."

"There were far worse things I could have gotten away with." John smirks. "Personally, I was very happy to have you back. Now look at us hanging out! Think of how many people feel the exact same."

You hum annoyed. School tomorrow is going to be a whole new battlefield, those good for nothing blockheads better receive you like the goddamn Queen. "I really hope you didn't lie and there are no surprises." You warn, and John laughs.

"Nah, dude. You're just the big news. But don't worry, nobody is going to make a huge deal about it if you don't want to."

Big welcome or small welcome? You low-key don't know which scenario you prefer so you leave that concern to your future self, that guy's unlucky as fuck.

Once in your room, you two goof around in your laptop with a bunch of video games for a while. It is pretty fun. You are surprised by how different it feels to playing online, you never noticed before. Neither of you even mind being sprawled on the carpet.

A pair of hours or so goes by before you hear the rumble of a big truck outside. John pauses the game as you get up to look through the window. It's a delivery truck, Slick is already speaking to the driver and their co-worker while they open the cargo to reveal a bed frame and a mattress both wrapped in plastic. So it's your new bed then. Slick notices you and raises his voice to a low yell for you to hear.

"Going inside to take the old bed out in a minute, kid." Oh, no he won't.

"Don't call me kid!" You shout back. "And we'll do that ourselves!" You slam the window shut and close the curtains.

"Wait, all by ourselves?" John complains as he starts to push the laptop out of the way.

"Yeah, actually, I want Slick as far away from my bedroom as possible." You elaborate as you hurry to start taking the mattress out of the frame of the small bed. "I don't want him snooping in my stuff or injecting any other foreign objects in my space." You point at the alarm clock that was left here earlier. John cracks with laughter at your words, and you keep rambling about how serious you are while you two accommodate the mattress vertically to push it out.

You direct the weight, careful not to get stuck between the walls while John pushes from behind. When it's fully out in the hallway, you pull it to the other side of it, past Kankri's door. You halt the mattress and it causes John to face crash on it a little.

"What the hell?" He yelps, leaning the mattress in the direction you push it.

"Leave it here." You say and try to suppress your smirk, but it's really hard to do so. John thinks for a moment, looking at the door the mattress is now blocking.

"Isn't this Mr. Noir's bedroom?"

"Of course it is, you absolute buffoon!" You laugh, take John's wrist to prevent him from trying to push the mattress away from its tactical position and drag him back to the bedroom to start moving the frame. It was heavier, but you could manage to stand it up and push it outside. Between giggles, you lean the second weight alongside the other one, completely barricading Slick's bedroom. You're so proud of yourself right now. John got completely into it halfway through; it's the trickster inside of him, who could not resist such a well-crafted prank.

When Slick makes his way upstairs, he sees you leaning in the wall of the hallway, arms crossed. John stands innocently at your side with his hands on his back. Slick looks to the right into the hallway and points at the bed with his thumb.

"What's all that?" He raises an eyebrow.

"What's all what?" You raise yours, you twist your lips to contain a devilish grin. Is this childish? Yes. Does it feel great? Double yes.

Slick sighs, closes his eyes and knits his eyebrows. A second later, his shoulders slump and he turns to go down a few steps, rubbing the back of his neck. That's about what you expected of a reaction, nothing really. Slick completely resigns to ignore it and starts directing the workers to the room where they have to unload the new bed. He is carrying a wheeled chair himself, it has to be for your desk, which is coming from overseas. You peek from behind the door frame to ensure nothing is disturbed beyond necessary in your space.

When it's all settled Slick goes outside the house with the two workers and you and John enter your room again. You take the crates that were piled up on the corner and push them below your new bed. You two then sit on the mattress and enjoy the extents of the new, bigger bed. John giggles a little.

"I still laugh when I think about how funny you must have looked sleeping in the small bed."

"My feet actually went out of the frame." You say, and you laugh together like it's the funniest thing you've heard today.

"You want to keep playing? Maybe we could go out." He suggests.

"We still have to wait for the moving truck."

"Oh right, what kind of stuff did you bring back with you? Piles of tea and a cow?"

"Ha, ha." You say sarcastically. "Very funny. I did ask to bring my desk all the way here because I like it a lot. Also my computer. Everything else is just clothes, my games, movies, posters. Just stuff, I'm not going back to live on the hills so I really just brought almost everything."

"I see, now I have an idea of how much we'll have to carry. So I will be on my way, good luck!" He tries to run away but you tackle him midway, hugging his waist.

"Hold the fuck up, you're not going anywhere! Once you enter the game there's no way out, Egbert."

"Aw geez!" He laments jokingly. He lets out one of his nerdiest laughs, it makes you feel swiftly happy.

You let go of him and turn away to hide your flustered face. You stammer to say something.

"Well, let's keep playing Bomberman for now. The truck should arrive soon."

John nods and accommodates on the carpet once more. You pull the laptop to yourselves and start another round of Bomberman and pick your respective characters. Playing shoulder to shoulder like this with who has to be one of your oldest friends is weirdly soothing. You absolutely dig the idiotic face John makes when he loses a round, but it's also great to see him all proud when he wins. He's just so fun to have around. You really missed John.

Sure enough, it's not long until you hear the rumble of another engine outside your house. This time it's John who looks outside the window and announces the moving company is here. He says Slick is already there too, you grow disgusted in the back of your mind, but say nothing.

You step down the hallway, the mattress and bed frame are still on Slick's door. You walk downstairs as John trots through the front door. You hear him talk something with Slick about the moving, but don't bother hearing closely. There is only one worker this time, who apologizes for staff shortage. Great just what you needed. You point at Slick decided to stop any idea he's having right now and get condescending with him.

"You take care of Kankri's. Don't touch anything else." You see him frown and see a faint glimpse of something in his eye, but you don't want to look at his face for more than two seconds.

You turn around and make your way to the open cargo, John is already taking a box and so is the worker. You take something too and start walking back inside. It is overall a monotone task, getting all of your boxes in your room and all of Kankri's on his. Then it's time to move the biggest object: the desk. It's not by far as heavy as the bed frame, but the hard task is getting it through the door, up to the stairs, and then inside your bedroom. John is quite bummed to have to make such a voyage, but you make a small fit about moving it on your own, so Slick allows you yo move it on your own and goes ahead to pay the worker.

You start off good, you are not a complete idiot as to not know how to get furniture through a door, but you and John struggle to get it upstairs because he is such a wimp and you let him carry the lower part because he thought someone taller had to do it. The twist of the staircase doesn't help either. Slick enters after you hear the truck drive away, he stares for a moment, probably wondering if he should help. You next do something pretty stupid; in your defense, you were getting worked up because this wasn't going as you envisioned it.

"What are you watching? Don't be annoying!" you shout, and it makes Slick visibly angry. His eyes narrow, one side of his lip curls up into a snarl, everything in his face becomes knife sharp. But, he stays silent and walks off to disappear again. For a moment, you are left with a sense of uneasiness, like you fucked up something there. But you forget about it the moment John regains composure and you are finally able to get the desk to the hallway upstairs.

After that scene, it was easier to get it into your bedroom and push it onto a wall. You and John fall exhausted to the floor.

"Karkat..." Begins John. "Please remind me to never help with moving again."

You puff and then you laugh. He giggles with you. You next keep messing around like you haven't done in a long time. You wipe your desk clean and put the laptop on top, you and John share the chair to keep playing some other games. All of the boxes are quite intimidating right now, so you'll start organizing later. Without you two noticing, the afternoon rolls by. A small tone is suddenly heard, it sounds like a snippet of a piano refrain. John takes out his phone and reads into it for a moment.

“Hey, my dad sent me a message, he says lunch is ready so I gotta head out.”

“Oh, alright.” You say, trying not to sound gloom about it.

“Let's see ourselves tomorrow at school. I definitely have to show you around.”

“I hate it already.” You smirk.

You go downstairs again, giggling and making plans for tomorrow at school. You walk John until the door, which you open for him. He makes a small wave with his hand before passing you.

“Bye! Oh, and say bye to Mr. Noir for me.” He says and turns away to joggle to his house.

You have no plans on saying bye to Slick for him. You don't even know where is he, he can't be in his bedroom, because it's still barricaded. Now you're curious. You take a discreet glance at the rooms downstairs, but he's not around. There are two rooms you have not entered: the studio that's beyond the living room and the basement whose door is behind the stairs. You try the door to the studio, it's open. Inside are a bunch of bookcases, a bunch of boring landscape paintings and framed pictures, a large wooden desk where there must be files kept, a big, red carpet on the wooden floor, an old fashioned armchair and a small fireplace, as well as assorted stuff inside a pair drawers. But no Slick. You have no interest in this room, so you close the door and walk to your next target. The door to the basement is locked, you remember it was kept like this at all times and the key is in the drawer on the kitchen, so he can't be in there. You exhale air irritated and give up trying to find him then retrieve upstairs.

**=== >**

You pause your fighting game when you pick a scent coming into your room. It smells delicious, and your stomach growls. You smack your lips in frustration, you didn't want to venture outside your room anymore.

You get up and open your door, you take in the greasy smell better and you recognize it's cooked fish. You walk careful not to make sound, your socks help with that goal. When you go downstairs and into the kitchen, you find Slick frying two slices of fish. On the counter beside him, there is a container with a salad that you guess he had stored. You walk towards the fridge still silent, even though he probably saw you already. When you open it, you are surprised to find it fully packed. There is a little bit of everything in here: milk, juice, beer, fruit, vegetables, leftovers, frozen meats, even ice cream; and everything seems fresh. Your mom liked having the fridge full. You just know Slick is the kind of guy who only keeps eggs and pickles in the fridge, so this is clearly something he picked from her.

You take the juice from the fridge and serve yourself a glass. Slick is finishing serving the plates. You go and sit on the table and, shortly after, he puts your plate in front of you. No words are needed to be spoken. You look down to avoid him, only noticing there is quite a heavy atmosphere around Slick. Your stepfather fetches himself a beer before sitting in front of his own meal. 

For a while, only the clattering of the cutlery in the plates can be heard. You're still a bit shocked that Slick can cook, learning about it just yesterday. You wonder where he learned, or if your mom taught him, but you quickly brush the thoughts away. You don't care and you get angry at yourself for thinking about it. It's not like you want to ask. You look at him involuntarily and find that he was watching you. He takes the chance of crossing gazes to speak, but he sounds stiff.

"So, had fun today?" He asks between bites.

"Why do you care?" You scoff.

He pauses while chewing, then audibly swallows down and continues, ignoring your backtalk.

"Gonna go to work for an emergency after lunch. Just lettin' ya know. Use the first speed-dial button on the phone if ya need somethin'."

You twist your lips and hum in a rude manner. Both of you take a few more bites before you hear his voice again, it's a little softer now.

"School's tomorrow already, but ya still need a lot of stuff don't ya?" He asks. "Make a list and I'll go shoppin' later." He puts his fork down and holds the beer on his hand. "Unless ya wanna come." He takes a long sip.

You think about it before you can abruptly say no. On one side, letting Slick buy all of it sounds like a hassle, he might get something you don't like. On the other, going out with Slick would be awful and awkward and overall uncomfortable. You don't want to do anything like that with him. The thought repels you.

"I'll look into it." You simply say. You will think about it tomorrow. You can sense he watches you for a moment, there is still something tense in the air.

"You don't like the school bus do ya?"

So he remembers that, huh? And he's going to take you to school like he used to or is he going to oblige you to take the bus? You can't decide what's more terrible.

"I'm not sure."

"I know ya don't. What about breakfast?"

Why the fuck is he questioning you like a cop all of a sudden. It's starting to get annoying. You still don't like this atmosphere.

"I don't really care." Your voice tightens. "A good old American is fine."

He hums pensively, taking another mouthful of his plate.

"There's nothin' else left to straighten up at school right?"

"No? I can take care of it, anyway."

"No doubt." He comments. "But I'm supposed to do it, kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore, I can sort my own stuff!" You counter, your mood starting to let loose. "What do you have to do getting into my business, huh?"

Slick makes a small pause on eating, it feels like it takes forever before he continues.

"Some a' us prefer to do things the right way, Karkat." He states, pronouncing your name with a sharp, patronizing tone that drives you mad. You're starting to get to him too. You feel twisted inside.

"Oh, so now we're talking about doing things right. Since when are you doing that? You think you can act a goody two shoes and expect me to comply?" You bark and continue sarcastically. "You're pulling my leg here".

"So what?" He raises his tone. "Ya want to stick to the cold eye? That ain't gonna work and ya know it. This is happenin' and we're gonna make it work." He plants his finger on the table, he looks composed, but his eyes are fierce. You feel your face hurt from frowning so much.

"We don't have anything to work on!” You throw your arms to the air. “Don't you get it? We're just two strangers living through the same hell." Slicks eyes pierce through you like daggers. "Fucking keep your nose out."

You feel the air crack like an old tire. Slick fist slams flat on the table. He sneers terribly at you. When you were a kid, you used to hate to see him get violent mad, it scared you. Now you're not sure how you feel. His voice loses the little composure he had left.

"Alright. I'm havin' it up to here with your bullshit!" He yells, his finger now points at you. You are scandalized. "If ya think it's gonna work out your way you're fuckin’ wrong, Karkat. Ya better quit the attitude soon or it ain't gettin' pretty in here." You watch undignified for a second before you answer.

"... Is that a fucking threat?" You quietly defy him.

Slick adverts his eyes at you as he surges from his chair and stands up. You feel wrong and ill. Like you're falling. Like an animal full of fear whose instincts scream of danger. His tone raises furious beyond any other you've heard before.

"YA BETTER BELIEVE IT FUCKIN’ IS!"

"YOU PIECE OF-"

You stand up so quickly you almost knock the chair over. Mother. Fucking. Wow. You open your mouth to protest but you're so angry you can't even articulate beyond screaming a few isolated words and growls. You absolutely hate it when you reach the point you can't talk back and you end up looking like a desperate, angry fool. You're seriously going to get into fights again? So soon?

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, THERE IS NOTHING THAT GIVES YOU THE FUCKING RIGHT TO TELL ME HOW THE FLIPPING FUCK I HAVE TO ACT."

"IF YA HAD THE LEAST OF MATURITY IN YA I'D BELIEVE THAT. BUT YOU'RE CLEARLY STILL ACTING A GODDAMN FIVE-YEAR-OLD."

"FUCK YOU! I DON'T NEED TO PROVE ANYTHING TO YOU, YOU SMEAR OF SHIT!"

Slick's eyes open wide like trying to see the words he just heard. He's not furious anymore, he's enraged.

"YA DAMN IDIOT, YA THINK YA HAVE ANY MORE OPTIONS?"

You grit your teeth and it stings. Your face feels hot and your head pulses painfully. Your chest is pounding and you like feel your legs are fading away. God fucking dammit, you can't do this anymore. You still can't face him when he looks like he could fucking kill anything in his path. And worse, he's right. There's nothing else for you, this ends right here. You grip and pull your hair.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!" You slam your palms on the table. "I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, RIGHT? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE FOREVER! I HATE YOU!"

You make a run for your room. You don't catch Slick's final expression, you don't want to see it. The banging of your feet makes the whole house tremble with their echoes. You fiddle with your door, throw it open and then use both your arms to slam it shut.

You hate this. You hate this, you hate this, you hate this. You fucking knew it, what did you expect? Why did you even had the slight hope that maybe, just maybe, you could not tear each other apart like bloody animals? At least not on the second day you're here!

You pace around your room like a caged tiger. You have nowhere to go and you hate it. You have no one to talk to and you hate it. You are all alone and you just truly loathe how things turned out this way.

There is no fucking way that you and Slick are going to be ok like everyone keeps pretending. John was wrong, Slick doesn't care not one bit. He just wants to get it over with. Even if he did care, what does he think he's going to make amends for? There's is no way he’s going to fix his past mistakes with you. You are not going to forgive him for what he did to you. It's all his fault, his fault. Your mom is dead and it's all his fault!

You fling open the closet door and fiercely pull out a bunch of bed sheets and your new pillows. You mindlessly kick and toss them around the floor. Your eyes wet and your face muscles are a twitching mess. Your knees finally give in and you fall pathetically on top of the disaster you did. You clench your fists and sob, you try to gulp down your tears, but it's coming out and you can't stop it. You press your crying eyes until it hurts. God, you hate yourself so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been four months?! I feel terrible, except I don't anymore because I finished. I'm so excited, for the first time in a while I feel truly inspired. Thank you, everyone, for the comments, kudos, and hits! <3
> 
> Third chapter might as well be out next month, if not after.
> 
> [Here's](https://thepencilriot-stuck.tumblr.com/post/184408855250/second-cover-for-the-second-chapter-of-hold-onto) the full picture of the cover.


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